session 05

today, i’m so happy. even as i write this, i’m dripping in happiness. but not like the regular happiness. it’s the type that don’t require grins and lines or full teeth display. it’s the type that makes you satisfied while sober, but deep down you know you’re happy. by yourself, part of your life, things you look forward to, basically the things you surround yourself with.

it is a happiness mixed with a sprinkle of sober love and i don’t know about everyone else, but it’s like the best form of me being happy. like, this is the state of happiness i believe is actual happiness.

i feel like when people grin, and laugh out so hard, i don’t really believe to term that as a happy state because i feel like it’s so temporal. i make do with it. for me!! i don’t how others see it. and also, i believe it’s fake. specially for me, when i’m over happy, in that given state, a part of me feels unsafe because what will ruin it? what’s coming? i don’t really feel comfortable being too happy because i always feel like something bad is ‘bout to go down. such a stupid ideology, i get it.

but in this state of happiness i am in right now, the type that makes me squeeze my face like the world wants to end, the type that makes me hate everyone else but myself, i think i love it.